Married With Children: The Complete Series

A unaired pilot of Married with Children.

Identical script to official pilot except Kelly and Bud were played by Tina Caspary and Hunter Carson. Ed O'Neil felt the chemistry wasn't right and Kelly and Bud were replaced by Christina Applegate and David Faustino.

Marcy introduces Peg to a new diet to improve her marriage. Al wants no part of it but learns if he tries the diet, he can persuade Peg to quit. He must then swallow his pride and admit to Peggy he loves her.

There has been a rash of burglaries in the area, and the Rhodes' house is robbed and Al's car stereo is ripped off, both families seek alternatives: Steve and Marcy buy a guard dog that won't stop barking, and Al purchases a fire arm. One fateful night, the two methods of home defense butt heads, and it's not a pretty picture.

Steve and Marcy plan to add a new room onto their house using their tax refund money. Al convinces Steve to make it into a billiards room while Peggy convinces Marcy to make it into an exercise room, which leads to an all-out battle of the sexes to see who will win.

Al and Steve buy a beat up Ford Mustang off of one of Kelly's boyfriends. Soon they form a tight friendship while fixing it up like new. The only problem is they are neglecting their wives now that they spend every free minute with the car. Marcy gets to experience something in the backseat of the Mustang that she has always wanted to do and when Al finds out about it, he won't let her forget it.

It's the Bundys' 16th wedding anniversary. Al plans to buy Peggy a very fancy watch, but unfortunately, his credit card gets declined. Dare he show up at the party without a present?

Steve and Marcy decide that once is enough after they volunteer to watch Kelly, Bud, and the family dog Buck, after Al and Peggy go away for the weekend to a seedy motel in Wisconsin where Al wants to watch a boxing match on the cable TV system.

Al takes Steve one evening to watch a poker game with his poker playing friends. Steve gets the feel of the game and sits in for one of the men, but he ends up losing his paycheck to Al. From then on, Steve tries to avoid Marcy to avoid telling her the truth about losing their mortgage payment money while Al plans to use his $300 winnings to buy a new fishing rod.

To get the money to purchase a new VCR that Al won't buy her, Peggy takes a job in a department store selling clocks, which takes the "fun" out of the Bundy marriage as a result of her absence, and Kelly and Bud getting stuck with Al for the evenings.

Al gets a first-hand look at Luke's swinging bachelor life when he takes refuge at Luke's apartment after work rather than return home to finish an argument with Peggy over visiting her relatives for the weekend. Luke invites two women over at his place where one of them, an attractive but dim-witted airplane stewardess, tempts Al.

While Steve is out of town for the week on business, Marcy starts having dreams involving a romance-minded Al which turns her dreams into nightmares, and turns off her sexual urges, prompting her to look into the source of her nightmares, while a clueless Steve asks Al for advice on Marcy's sudden lack of sexual needs.

The near death of the playboy owner of Al's shoe store starts Al wondering why he's never visited the store. Feeling unappreciated Al decides to take drastic action.

Personal problems and crises delay Al and Peggy's departure to the going out of business party of their favorite hamburger joint, "Johnny Be Goods," which range from Kelly being stood up from going to a party, Bud wanting to finish a remote-controlled car for a model car festival, to Marcy stranded at the Bundys wearing only a towel after staining her dress.

The Bundys take a vacation to near-beautiful Dumpwater, Florida and stay in a cut-rate motel where an ax murderer that hates tourists, shows up every five years since 1967, and redneck locals begin to make bets on who the psycho will strike next.

After a hair-raising encounter with the maniac, Al decides to get the family out of town. But they realize that they are trapped at the motel by a storm and the locals are unwilling to help them. Then things take a turn when Peggy is taken hostage by the ax murderer in a room and Al must rescue her.

Steve takes Al to the vault at the bank where Steve works for a secret after-hours card game, and the next day, one million dollars is reported missing. Al is then treated like a king by Peggy and the kids as well as hostility from Steve all of whom mistakenly think Al stole the money.

Al is loath to have Buck the dog neutered despite being threatened with lawsuits from numerous neighbors regarding Buck's "nocturnal carnal activities" resulting in "stupid, ugly puppies" from their dogs. Reacting to pressure from Peggy and a bizarre dream he has involving Buck becoming upright and articulate, Al makes a decision.

While Al and Steve are occupied by a female employee who fixes the Bundy's refrigerator, Peggy invites Marcy to a strip club with the girls.

Marcy loses her composure and her wedding ring when it slips into a dancer's briefs when she slips him a tip. Desperate to keep the news from Steve, Marcy sets out distracting him every chance she gets. However, Zorro the Stripper suddenly shows up at Al's house and returns Marcy's wedding ring to him, who gives it to Steve and tells him about where Marcy was the other night.

Al gets heated up over the large phone bill and refuses to pay it, which results in the disconnection of the Bundy phone line, making him the target of hostility from Peggy, the kids and the Rhoades who now take the Bundys phone calls on their phone, especially the ones from Peggy's mother. To make matters worse, there's a streetlight that is also bothering Al which is keeping him awake every night.

Al flunks his written drivers test the same day that Kelly passes hers, leading him confined to the house and unable to get to the racetrack to bet on an important horse race.

Victory seems assured when Steve agrees to join the Bundys for a family team bowling match against Peggy's arch rival from high school, Mimi, and her obnoxious family. But Bud reveals that he doesn't know how to bowl because he has squandered his bowling lesson money, prompting Steve to coach Bud on the pointers of bowling.

Steve returns home having grown a beard from a week-long rafting trip. He and Marcy get into a huge argument over his reluctance to shave it off, leading him to move in with the Bundys.

Al, Peggy, and Bud are part of a shopping mall softball team playing other mall teams. After losing a few too many games, Al demands that Peggy improve her softball skills or she is off his team. Meanwhile, Kelly's new boyfriend, Brian, asks her to prove her love to him by getting a tattoo.

There's a new light in the neighborhood when Bud brings home an attractive, free spirited, 21-year-old artist named Tiffany on her way to art school in New York and everyone likes her, except Marcy for Tiffany steals the attentions of Steve as well.

The Bundys' Christmas is rudely interrupted when a parachuting mall Santa crash-lands into their backyard, attracting the neighborhood kids.

When starting a baseball card collection, Al and Steve sell Marcy's old Barbie doll. They must get it back, but they learn the shop they sold it to was robbed, so they would have to search downtown Chicago and ask every bum on the street.

Al's attempts to get rid of a rodent in the Bundy house end badly.

Al, under the impression that you don't have to pay for anything you didn't order, takes Peggy and Bud on a wild spending spree, and goes with Peggy to a fancy hotel for a weekend getaway when the mailman accidentally leaves a new credit card addressed to Buck the dog.

On Valentines Day, Kelly hauls in a load of Valentines, while Steve plans to give Marcy a trip to Hawaii. When Marcy finds out from Peggy, she plans to give Steve his Valentine present by jumping out of a life-size cake. Meanwhile, Bud holds a vigil by the mailbox waiting for his first Valentine, while Peggy ponders over the decision on whether or not she'll get the gift she wants from Al for him to say "I Love You."

The Bundy's stay at the shoe store after their house is tented for termites. A grounded Kelly plots to escape and go to a rock concert.

Marcy regrets denting Steve's new car when he claims that she's made him impotent.

While secretly going through Steve and Marcy's mail, Al and Peggy fill out an application to a TV game show called "How Do I Love Thee" where the objective is a Bundy natural: surviving physical torture from one's spouse. Al and Peggy appear on the show pretending to be Steve and Marcy and they easily win many prizes. But when Steve and Marcy find out, they appear at the end of the show pretending to be Al and Peggy, and the husband that survives the most torture in an electric chair wins a new car.

After going with Steve to the racetrack, Al is reluctant to reveal that he won $1,200, because he knows that Peggy and the kids will take the money for themselves. While Al tries to throw off Peggy's suspicions with sex, Steve asks for increasingly exuberant bribes of Al's racetrack winnings so he will keep his mouth shut about the money.

Al's quiet three-day weekend plans to watch his favorite John Wayne movie "Hondo" are ruined when Peggy's eccentric relatives come to visit the Bundy household. They include her unseen, obese mother, two feuding uncles; the hulking Irwin and the effeminate Otto, as well as a singing and dancing triplet of aunts whose showbiz career is threatened by Al's bad advice to them. Al then interrupts and ruins a romantic evening between Steve and Marcy to confide with his problems.

Al discovers a library book that was due in 1957. He must return it to the library and face up to his worst childhood fear: the librarian.

When a perspiration stain on one of Al's shirts resembles a silhouette of The King of Rock & Roll, the Bundy household becomes a hot spot for Elvis Presley fanatics to visit.

A young football player, named Matt, from Polk High where Kelly and Bud go to school is threatening two Bundy records. One held by Al for the most touchdowns in one season, and the other by Kelly for refusing her advances. So, Kelly resorts to becoming a cheerleader for Polk High's team in order to catch Matt's attention during a big season ending game.

Steve, Marcy, and the Bundys head out to Steve and Marcy's cabin in the woods, but the merriment is halted by Kelly's PMS. The men leave for a bit to go out fishing, and return to all three women menstruating and hostile. When a bear attacks the car, Al hilariously attempts to stop him.

Al decides to build a spare bathroom when the upstairs toilet floods one too many times.

Al must go to a far-off lingerie outlet store to buy a discontinued brassiere for Peggy.

Desperate Al and Steve put their heads together seeking solutions to impending baldness when Steve begins to notice his receding hairline, whereas Al doesn't care at all. After unsuccessfully trying some hair tonic for themselves, Steve tries joining a club for bald men called Bald American Dudes (B.A.D.) and brings Al along with him who holds their latest meeting at the shoe store.

After a birthday party fortune teller predicts luck for everyone else but doom for Marcy, she insists the Bundys fly with her on her business trip where she confronts her rude boss.

After the death of his longtime barber, Al lets his hair down rather than tolerate a visit to a stylist or a salon... staffed by women. When Al backs down and goes to a salon, he gets a really bad hairstyle that makes him look like a woman.

In the infamous 'lost episode,' Al and Peg learn they have been video taped getting intimate at a sleazy motel. The same thing has also happened to Steve and Marcy. They decide to take the matter to court.

The Bundy's go out to a fancy restaurant to spend a great windfall, an inheritance check for $237 from a late uncle of Peggy's. But it becomes apparent that the fine dining in public is not a part of the dysfunctional Bundy lifestyle, which makes matters worse when Al forgets to bring his wallet.

Kelly invites Peggy to her school as part of a presentation for career day.

After Kelly gets in trouble at school, the only way she can get out of punishment if she joins the school's tap-dance club.

Al finally convinces Peggy to contribute to the household income but feels emasculated when Peggy starts bringing home huge "commish" checks from her cosmetics sales job, earning more money than Al, himself. Even Al's new part-time job as a crew member at Burger Trek can't put him back in the lead as family breadwinner. Things go from bad to worse when Al finds the book containing the names of Peggy's customers.

While driving Peggy back from the video store, Steve gets cut off in traffic and Peggy gives the driver "the finger." Steve then asks the Bundys to come over at his and Marcy's house to watch some videos as protection when he's afraid of a violent reprisal when he is followed home by the man. When there's a knock on the front door, Al convinces Steve to take the first punch... and Steve ends up knocking down a midget.

After asking the Bundys to watch their house for the day, Marcy and Steve return to find a big hole where their house once stood. It seems that Peggy had earlier that day mistakenly told a wrecking crew looking to demolish Steve's Road House and she directed them to Steve 'Rhoades' house instead. So the Rhoades are forced to spend the night at the Bundy house. Meanwhile, Kelly throws a slumber party for four of her girlfriends, but Bud ends up disrupting it and turns it into a "cat-fight" riot.

Peggy spends $2,800 of Al's hard earned money ($2,000 on phone bills, $500 on a new dress, and $300 on makeup) when she decides to attend hers and Al's high school reunion dance at Polk High, where Peggy makes a desperate effort to get herself elected prom queen. But she may be outdone by her old rival, Connie Bender. Also, Connie's husband, Jack, an old rival of Al's, eyes a possible fistfight they never had in school.

Peggy stands to lose the crown to Connie, until Al finally decides to stand up to Connie's husband Jack. Meanwhile, Bud and Kelly crash the party to pig out on some real food since they are never fed at home, where Peggy takes advantage of the fight between Al and Jack outside to get the kids help in rigging the election.

After his two best friends find dates for themselves, Bud is desperately seeking Susan, or any girl that will date him. So, Bud resorts to getting a life-sized mannequin to pose as his date for the evening. Meanwhile, Al comes up with a million dollar invention for a shoe salesmen's convention called "Shoe Lights", but they're pretty pathetic - he just takes the headlights and battery out of the car and straps them onto Kelly's shoes.

The Bundys buy a computer, which serves no purpose other than a hat rack. But what nobody knows is that the computer can talk. But only to Al.

The Bundys spend a day at the beach.

When a serial peeper is on the loose, Al makes the ultimate sacrifice to alleviate Peggy's despair about being the only one not fall victim. Bud must tutor Kelly so she can pass to the next grade, unfortunately in order to make room, new information pushes out old basic knowledge.

On Labor Day, the gender roles are reversed when Al becomes the loafing one while he forces Peggy to prepare the backyard barbecue for his creation of the famous "Bundy Burgers." But one of the secret ingredients to them are the ashes of Marcy's dead aunt which was stolen by Kelly from the Rhodes house.

A TV aerobics instructor tries to get the Bundys in shape, but instead he becomes sedentary and dies of a heart attack after eating junk food.

Kelly and Bud need to raise money for concert tickets for themselves, so Bud sells Al as a camping guide, and Kelly cheats at a poker game with Peggy's friends. With Steve and Bud along for the ride, Al has to take a bunch of kids camping and they end up stranded in the woods and only Buck can save them.

A toothache forces Al to see Marcy's dentist, a divorced man who devotes as much of his time to his work as he does to his young female dental assistant. At the same time, Al pressures Peggy to cook him just one square meal.

Peggy begins to suspect that Al is cheating because he seems to have a lot of different excuses on why he is coming home later than usual. Peggy meets Ginger at her beauty salon. Ginger is a young woman who admits she is sleeping around with another woman's husband and Peggy thinks it could be Al that she is sleeping with. Marcy goes to Peggy's salon and gets a new look, that Steve hates. Peggy is worried that Al is cheating on her and she is determined to get answers.

The Bundys' latest money making scam is to host a foreign exchange student in their garage. But the French beauty proves to be so popular that she ends up stealing all of Kelly's boyfriends.

When a Playboy playmate walks into Al's shoe store, he's eager to get home and look up her October 1987 issue. But Al is a broken man when he finds out that Peggy has sold his entire Playboy collection to get money to buy a good luck charm to win the lottery. The ghost of Al's father later appears and convinces him to get some self-respect.

Al decides to open a shoe emergency hot-line with help from Steve in the form of a $50,000 loan. But typically, Al's get-rich-quick scheme backfires when nobody phones in. When Marcy gives Al a second $50,000 loan to repay the original loan, the Bundys and the Rhoades join together in a downward spiral of failure when Al instead sinks the second $50,000 into his failing shoe hot-line, which results in Steve losing his job at the bank, Marcy getting demoted, and Al ending up being the loser as always.

When the Dodge finally gives its death rattle, Al digs up his secret car-fund shoe box and trades the Dodge for a ride to the local dealership. When Bud opens the shoe box, he finds not $5,000, but a mere $800... and a red hair. Al spends the rest of the episode trying to buy something that goes "vroom!"

Newly unemployed Steve decides he doesn't really want to work, so he fritters away his days with the Bundys, visiting zoos and taking fishing trips. The strain this puts on Steve's relationship with Marcy who ends up going out with Al to a local bar where they swap stories about their failing marriages. But the conversation between Al and Marcy reaches its peak when Marcy has to decide whether to use the $25,000 reward she earned by foiling a bank robbery, sustaining a gunshot wound in the process, to buy a new car or to bail out Steve, who has been arrested for "rescuing" Bosco the tortoise from the local zoo.

Al has finally saved up a lot of cash to buy his family a ton of presents they want this year. Unfortunately, a mob of late customers in the shoe store prevents him from getting to the bank and retrieving the money he needs.

His guardian angel decides pay Al a visit and shows him what life is like without him born. The Jablonskys are a perfect family and The Rhoades are more like the Bundys except without Al.

Al desperately tries to fix the house's leaking roof during the weekend of a long rainstorm. But each time Al falls off the roof, it makes Peggy and the kids wonder if he's too stupid or too cheap to call a roofer to do the job. Meanwhile, Steve lands another job at a pet store in which Marcy suffers side affects after getting bitten by a venomous guinea pig.

Faced with an IRS audit because of Peg, Al decides to find money quickly to pay his taxes by selling Peg's hair for $5,000. However, Peg is not looking to give away her red anytime soon.

When Al challenges the selfish and ungrateful family members to earn a dollar of their own, Peggy tries scamming money from others because of her loath for working. Meanwhile, Bud appoints himself as Kelly's agent a lands her a job as a 'rock video slut'.

After Steve abandons Marcy, Peggy decides to make her feel better by going to Las Vegas with Al's money.

With Al and the kids discovering that Peggy took all the money, they go to Vegas where both Peggy and Marcy are broke and need a way to come up with money.

Al is all excited when he's asked to speak at his high school reunion dance at Polk High. At the dance, while Al rambles on and on about the unhappily married man, Peggy finds herself being wooed by a teacher, Kelly trying to please two dates, and Bud plotting revenge against his date, Heather McCoy, who humiliated him years earlier by running his underwear up a flagpole.

Al tries to ditch Peggy on her birthday until she catches him in the act and tags along with the family.

Peggy tries to earn her G.E.D. with Kelly in night school.

Kelly chooses to be a weather girl rather than go to school which makes the Bundy's happy since she'll be making more money than Al.

After being plagued by nightmares of feet a beautiful woman asks Al to judge a contest at Gary's, whose contestants she, "could never compete with." Meanwhile Kelly tricks Marcy and Bud into thinking they've slept together.

Peggy will buy anything at a yard sale, so when she brings home a boar's head, there's no more room in the garage to put it. So, Al decides enough is enough and he decides to have his own yard sale, despite Peggy's protests. But the stuff he is selling is stuff only Peggy would be stupid enough to buy. Al's next idea is to create "Bundyland, the happiest place on Earth," which is a collection of all the junk items Peggy bought in their own back yard.

The Bundys decide to go for a drive--on Labor Day. They spend the better part of the holiday sitting in traffic, arguing with one another, and picking fights with neighboring motorists.

Al and Kelly feign illness to avoid going to Wanker County with Peg and Bud. Al looks forward to his quiet and peaceful weekend, until Kelly gets sick.

Bud's new driver's license portends bumper cars on the roadway. When Bud t-bones a Mercedes, Al sees an opportunity to clean up in court. At least he has hope. Losing his lawsuit hurt but what he goes through to payoff the settlement is truly painful.

Al is cut from the neighborhood softball team just before the big game. When his all-star replacement is knocked out in the last inning, however, his team and family have to come crawling back.

Peggy goes out dancing with Marcy, and becomes taken with a handsome man-about-town named Andy. At home, however, Al gets confronted by Andy's wife, Pete.

Now an aspiring model, Kelly invents a maneuver called "The Bundy Bounce" for her first audition as spokesperson for the new Allente car. But Bud's big mouth gives the idea to another model, so Kelly must take things into her own hands and remove the competition. Meanwhile, Peggy goes on a strike with housework because Al think's she's useless.

After Al returns home from work with a bump on the head, he sees (or thinks he sees) six little green aliens coming down to Earth and stealing his smelly socks to use as fuel for their spaceships. The only problem is no one sees them but Al, so everyone think's he's crazy when he tells others that he saw them.

Al decides to grow a vegetable garden, but soon faces off against an all-out war with a rabbit who steals his carrots and other vegetables.

When Al moves a sofa off a neighbor's lawn without a shirt on, he unexpectedly gains a reputation as a "stud" among the neighborhood women. Uplifted, he starts taking showers and wearing elegant clothes, and his performance at work improves dramatically, as does his popularity with the ladies. Needless to say, Peggy is both jealous and unsettled - her husband is acting very unlike-Al.

Tired of Al escorting her dates out through the doorway, "grown-up" Kelly gets her own apartment.

After Al's bachelor uncle dies, he leaves $500,000 to the first of his relatives to produce a newborn baby named after him. Al overcomes his usual aversion to sex with Peg. Unknown to him, she is secretly staying on the pill, to keep Al wanting sex with her, and having decided that no amount of money is worth going through pregnancy a third time.

After a drinking binge at a bankers party, Marcy discovers herself to be married to a mysterious hunk named Jefferson D'Arcy, whom Al unearths as a gigolo and con artist. To make Marcy feel better about this unexpected change in her life, Peggy decides to throw a formal wedding ceremony for Marcy and Jefferson in the Bundy's back yard, a ceremony in which nothing goes as planned.

Al becomes the boss of the neighborhood after Kelly starts dating an influential city councilman.

Told from the point of view of Buck, he runs away from the house feeling neglected. Behind a diner, he picks up a female dog, whom he brings home. He quickly regrets it, as the new dog gets all the attention from Bud and Kelly. Meanwhile, Al is obsessed with getting a taste of his favorite cherry cheesecake from a restaurant in Wisconsin.

Peg takes an interior design course and her first assignment is to redecorate one room in her house. Unfortunately for Al, she chooses his spare bathroom.

When a second floor aerobics studio, full of terribly overweight women, collapses into the shoe store, Al is laid off while the store is being repaired. Al then gets a night job as a security guard at his old high school, Polk High. This prompts his former high school rival, Spare Tire Dixon, to steal his prized trophy which leads to a brutal showdown.

Al is haunted by a tune on the radio he can hum but not name, and he gets no help from Peggy or the D'Arcy's. Al similarly haunts Kelly's new boyfriend, Vinnie Verducci, the son of his fellow lowlife friend, Charlie Verducci, when Al warns Vinnie to only look and not touch, which is not easy for Vinnie.

Bud needs money for a class trip to Washington, D.C., but Al hands it over to Kelly, who is auditioning for the Miss Weenie Tot spokesperson. When she wins the role, Al gets a year's supply of his favorite mock-food: Weenie Tots. But since uncooked Tots rapidly disintegrate upon contact with the air, Peggy manages to spoil every single box while searching for a lottery ticket. When Al discovers that he's not eligible for the lottery money since Kelly is now an employee of the Weenie Tot Company, he asks Marcy and Jefferson to accept the money for him.

Al and Peggy go over to watch a video at Marcy and Jefferson's house and proceed to take over the place. Meanwhile, Bud and Kelly seek gainful jobs for themselves, but only Bud gains with his first girlfriend, while Kelly babysits a family of seven kids from Hell.

Al Bundy's childhood pal, Charlie Verducci, and the guy's dim-witted son Vinnie, attend a high society fund raiser in this pilot for the short-lived TV series, 'Top of the Heap.'

Al cannot afford to buy an air conditioner for the hot summer. After an attempt to install an old experimental model, (which results in a neighborhood blackout) Al moves his family into the local supermarket. After a while, they are told by the manager to buy something otherwise they will be sent to the county jail. Al decides to purchase a stick of gum and as he approaches the checkout line, sees Marcy. He decides to cut in front of Marcy and becomes the one millionth customer winning a shopping spree worth $1,000.

The Bundys and Darcys shop 'til they drop to see who will win $1000 in groceries. Needless to say, Marquis of Queensbury rules will not apply.

While on their way to Los Angeles for a "Shoe Convention," the Bundy's car breaks down in the small town of Lucifer, New Mexico where they meet an old prospector who gives them a map to an old gold mine in the area in exchange for their car. They phone Marcy and Jefferson who come to the rescue, thinking that the kids are dying. But it turns out that Al and Peggy want their money for the mine deal. Then the six of them go off in search for the gold...

Al, Peggy, Kelly, Bud, Jefferson, and Marcy find the gold mine in the desert. Al discovers the first gold nugget and everyone but the feeble-minded Kelly winds up with a bag full of gold. Al and Peggy have two separate fantasies of how to spend it. But after three days of digging, it's revealed that they're stuck in a tourist attraction seeded with fools gold for the tourists to find. The Bundys and D'Arcys aren't pleased with this turn of events, until they notice the gold watches, rings, and earrings the tourists are wearing...

A man offers the Bundy's $10,000 if Buck will breed with his champion dog, Lady Bird. So, Al has to coach Buck into knowing the varieties of breeding with other dogs the proper way. But needless to say it goes wrong and Al is stuck with the bill. Meanwhile, Kelly becomes Bud's fashion counselor and dresses him up in medieval costumes.

Marcy and Jefferson announce that they are expecting a baby, sending Al into pearls of laughter saying that it's the end of Jefferson's life, until Peggy announces the same. Al begins to lose his hair at an accelerated rate, thinking it's the end of the world for him. Kelly and Bud aren't pleased with the news either and take it out on Al.

Peggy and Marcy's constant demands for belly rubbing and expensive baby accessories drive Al crazy, prompting him to make a run for it. He and Jefferson end up at a bar connected to the bus station and watch semi-nude dancing girls while talking about a new and better life without their wives.

When Al unearths his father's old hammer, he decides to turn the garage into his own private room to escape his pregnant wife. All goes well, until Jefferson and the guys crash in. Even worse, it's only a matter of time before their own pregnant spouses find out.

Kelly earns a quick $1,000 at hustling pool to buy a gown for the local Miss Cheese competition, and a suspicious Al is out for blood, mistakenly thinking that Kelly is into prostitution. Al is then out of blood when he sells his to get Kelly and manager Jefferson the money for a major pool game bet.

While Peggy is away helping Marcy recover her precious childhood belongings that Jefferson abandoned in a storage locker to be auctioned off in which he pocked and gambled away the money, Al, Kelly, and Bud hold an anti-baby meeting and makes plans for a new "Bundy World Order" that includes food, clean clothes and a huge hooter-ed oriental maid to replace the "pegzilla" Peggy.

While Jefferson suffers through a sympathetic pregnancy, Peggy is upset that Al is immune. Even worse, Buck is listless and getting all the attention due to Peggy.

Al keeps barely avoiding minor accidents, so Bud and Kelly try to convince him to get glasses, but he keeps insisting that his vision is perfect.

After Al falls out of his bedroom window and passes out, he claims he saw God's shoes. He decides to make and sell these shoes in order to make it big. Jefferson wants to join in and invests in Al's project with Marcy's money.

Al finally gets cable TV installed in the Bundy household, but he cannot find anything good to watch. All that changes when Kelly, gibed out of an appearance on a public access TV by her modeling school teacher, gets her own talk show on the air with just $35 from her girlfriends. "Vital Social Issues N' Stuff With Kelly," features an all girl band and some of her friends discussing subjects such as "mens butts" and "the slut of the week."

Al, Kelly, and Bud travel to Hollywood after Kelly's talk show becomes a hit with the TV networks in which Al tries to get into show business with his lame TV show ideas, Bud tries to score with some of the actresses, and Kelly is happy to be a star.

Al dreams he's a detective on the verge of a big case.

Peggy sends Bud and Kelly to spy on Al at the shoe store for the day to confirm her suspicion that Al's recent giddiness is the work of an extramarital affair rather than Al's claim that he's only been flirting with a "shoe groupie" at the shoe store.

Al tries to retrieve his game ball from a former girlfriend after he takes stock of his life and finds he has nothing.

As Grandmaster B, Bud does his coolest best while all over a girl who takes him out to non-traditional Bundy things such as rafting and sky diving. Meanwhile, Al and Peggy invite Marcy and Jefferson over to play a new board game called "Ethical Dilemma."

Al is asked to appear in an athletic shoe commercial. Al, being Polk High's 1966 all city running back and shoe salesman, is glad to reclaim his glory days. But he ends up being a punching bag by Ed "Too Tall" Jones, Steve Carlton, and Sugar Ray Leonard for the commercial.

It's Bud's 18th birthday, but everyone still treats him like a little boy. Does he stay at home for his birthday party with a pony and a clown or does Al have something else in mind for his "adult" son?

Steve returns to try and reclaim his estranged wife unaware that she has remarried to a younger man.

It's Al and Peggy's 20th wedding anniversary, but Peggy only wants one thing from Al....S-E-X. Meanwhile, Kelly and Bud win the "My Dinner With Anthrax" contest which means a house party for the thrash metal band. But there will be no party unless they can get rid of mom and dad first. The answer? Tricking them into taking a Florida vacation that turns out to be a time share sales scam where the salesman won't leave them alone. Back home, the house party gets dull with no food in the house and 10 feet of snow outside.

Al is a broken man after the Bundys can no longer afford to buy a weekly TV Guide. When Jefferson arrives at their house with a fistful of cash, Al discovers that he has been running a psychic phone scam called "Madame Zelda." To keep him quiet about his scam, Jefferson decides to let Al in on the deal. But Al soon takes over the whole operation and the rest of the family joins in. When Al decides to unite the five psychic bosses of Chicago, he insults the feared Madame Inga, who decides to throw a curse on the Bundys.

An invitation to join the high intelligence Alpha club, is issued to Kelly and not Bud. When they discover the real reason behind the gathering, Kelly and Bud decide to handle things with the usual Bundy charm (and violence). Meanwhile, Al buys a new "Handyman's Workbench 5000" that has some assembly required. This challenge requires the combined skills of Al and Jefferson while Peggy and Marcy watch and enjoy the show by taking pictures and counting the number of times the men injure themselves.

Bud's belief that his 40-year-old teacher is romantic interested in him is greeted by laughter from everyone. But another student smells the smoke and wants the fire for herself. Meanwhile, Peggy has a cold which prompts Al to keep his distance by going out every night to a Chuck-E-Cheese restaurant for some free pizza by crashing little kids birthdays parties. Can Bud keep two girls or will he suffer from a humiliating Bundy defeat?

When Kelly's modeling school suddenly closes down, she gets a new job as a greeter at the TV World theme park. When this is threatened by her low performance ratings, Kelly gets switched into Commercial Land where she plays "the Verminator" who hunts down roaches, like Bud. Meanwhile, Al takes his annual "Bundy World Tour,": a week-long trip around the world by himself, in the Bundy living room.

When Al can't pay his bill at the gas station, he is forced to don a uniform, complete with 'Habib' name tag and work at the station. He spends the day being hounded by motorists, as well as Peg and the kids.

Lower Uncton, England 1653-- Seamus McBundy makes the mistake of insulting a witch who casts an evil spell upon the land, shading the town in darkness forever--as long as a male Bundy lives. In present day, 1992 Lower Uncton, still in darkness, the townspeople have successfully killed all male Bundy descendants of Shamus McBundy, except for Al and Bud. The head of the historical society, Winston, and his cohort Igor, conspire to lure the Bundys to England and dispose of them, ending the curse. But getting them to Lower Uncton would be easier said than done.

The Bundys delight in their comped trip to England, spending here, spending there. All the while, the town of Upper Uncton conspires to kill the Bundys outside Lower Uncton, so the curse will remain and Upper Uncton can still rake in profits as a tourist town: the town beside the town in darkness. Finally, Winston and Igor bring the Bundys to Lower Uncton. The execution was imminent. Al and Bud would meet certain doom. Their only hope (unfortunately) was Kelly.

The Bundys are cornered by both towns. Upper Uncton wants them dead so they can continue to profit as a tourist trap while Lower Uncton wants them dead so they can end the curse. Al moves to defend himself and soon finds himself in a medieval joust opposite Igor. Who will emerge triumphant? And will the curse ever be lifted? The fate of all rests in the hands of the lowly shoe salesman from America.

The Bundys suddenly have another mouth to feed when Peggy's cousin Zemus and his wife Ida Mae leave behind their 6-year-old son Seven after a quick visit. Peggy, the only one little Seven captivates, sees him as her chance to be a "great mother," or at least try.

Kelly's date ditches her, and on her walk home she meets two other women in the same situation and they hatch a revenge plot. Meanwhile, Al and Peggy spend a night in just conversing to find what they have in common.

When Peggy discovers that no one knows Seven's birthday, she picks one at random, Al's. He is understandably not pleased when he has lost his birthday to the new kid. Peggy decides to have a small party for Seven's 6th birthday at a local park. But the party fizzles when a snobbish rich parent arrives and declares the park private for his own son's party.

When Peggy uses up the monthly mortgage to pay Seven's doctor bill, Al is forced to take a second job bar-tending at a topless bar, but its a male strip club where the bartender and all other men are topless. Al enjoys his job, but when Jefferson covers for Al for one day, he takes Al's job. Meanwhile, Peggy starts banning Kelly and Bud from the house to protect Seven from their germs.

The way to a man's heart may be through his stomach, but it's not the heart that's sought by Peggy who's tired of being ignored by Al in the bedroom. So she tries a variety of exciting new outfits in an attempt to whet the appetite of a starving Al. But the only thing Al wants is a cooked steak for dinner.

To meet girls, Bud starts his own community college fraternity, "Alpha Gonna Get'Em," with Hindu convenience store clerk Achmed, geek Francis, and retiree Gus as charter (sole) members. But the first toga party, in the Bundy garage, lacks fun and women.

On Election Day, all of the Bundys (minus Seven) hit the voting booths, united to defeat political correctness and a new two cent beer tax. When their causes lose at the polls, the Bundys hit the streets for some good old-fashioned pillaging.

Al decides that another Bundy must get a job and the ax falls on Kelly. This breaks Peggy's heart since no Wanker woman has ever worked before. After taking a job at a greasy spoon diner, Kelly must experience the wonderful world of waitressing prior to her true calling as Kelly Bundy: Philosopher/Waitress.

When his paycheck is taken by bill collectors, Al decides to do something with his non-life: he enters a shoe selling contest and wins. The prize is a first class ticket to Hawaii which the family turns into four stand-by's. After dumping Seven off with the D'Arcys, the Bundys travel to Chicago's O'Hare Airport where in an surprising twist, Al masquerades as an aging rock star, named 'Axl Bundy' from the group 'Shoes N' Socks' in which they hob-nob into the first class lounge with six famous musicians, Richie Havens, Spencer Davis, John Sebastian, Robby Krieger, Peter Noone, and Mark Lindsay.

When Al's favorite movie character dies, Al buys the plot next to him for his own eternal home. But Peggy wants to be buried next to Al and will do anything to spend her life after death with him.

Thanks to a college grant of $25,000, Bud is ready to leave home and start the good life at college, until Al and Peggy discover the money. Being the selfish petty criminals they are, they grant the money for themselves, and go on a wild spending spree in just one day that leaves Bud with zero.

In the company of his peers at a bar with other Santas, mall Santa Al recalls Christmases past when he managed to avoid buying gifts for Peggy, Kelly, and Bud by turning them against one other (shown in a pseudo-flashback to 1974). But this year the family shows a united front and give Al the gift of a list of job he must take to get Christmas-gift money. One of the jobs is playing Santa at the mall, which becomes another opportunity for Marcy and Jefferson to taunt and browbeat Al.

The Bundys are going to a family wedding for Al's cousin. But Peggy can't decide what to wear, so while she dresses (and redresses) Al waits and daydreams. Meanwhile, Kelly color coordinates with two fellow bridesmaids, deciding that tight black leather is always best, and Bud gets to know the young bride to be much better than he should!

It's no vacation for Al when Peggy and Marcy join him on his winter fishing trip and make him referee to their constant bickering. Meanwhile, Kelly, Bud, and Seven, left behind with no food or money, help Jefferson spend all of Marcy's money.

Working at the diner is getting to Kelly, so she decides to rebel by getting a motorcycle which Peggy deems as too dangerous, until Peggy tries it for herself and gets some good vibrations. But it's Al who really takes to the new bike and imagines himself as an "easy rider,"... at least until an untimely head-on meeting with the Dodge.

Peggy decides to take up a hobby by drawing Al and in so doing, creates her own magazine cartoon of Al makes him famous: the hapless shoe salesman titled "Mr. Empty Pants". Al would prefer the fame to be fleeting, until another magazine (Playgirl) declares him to be a sex symbol.

After one too many dateless Saturdays, Bud appears on a new TV dating game show called "You Can't Miss" for the less experienced, but not quite with the expected results. Meanwhile, the low IQ Kelly believes that there's a conspiracy to keep her from knowing what day it is.

Peggy narrates her own pirate fantasy to Seven as a bedtime story. In the story, Peggy plays Princess Scarlett. Al is Captain Courage, her pirate captor and Jefferson is Prince Paco, her savior. Rounding out the cast is Bud playing the hunchback first mate Fluvio; Kelly as the dim-witted ship's navigator; Marcy playing the cabin boy/girl; and in a surprise appearance, Marcy's ex-husband Steve Rhoades playing the villainous Rubio the Cruel, who's feared for his terrible singing of show tunes.

After Al passes for a senior citizen to get into the movies cheap he worries that he's getting old. He then starts acting old but a senior decathlon brings him back to life.

After Al knocks out and captures a burglar that breaks into his house one night while he's sleeping on the couch after an argument with Peggy, he becomes a neighborhood hero. But the tables soon turn when the burglar sues Al for injuring him and the Bundys must go to court once again.

After Kelly's boyfriend dumps her, Al and the family treat her to the movies where each member has a different agenda.

Al's poor bedroom performance makes him the laughingstock of the entire town after another night with Peggy, even though the only person she tells about it is Marcy. Al then decides to get in shape for the real deal to get his self-confidence back.

Al takes a $12,000 offer for early retirement from the shoe store, but Peggy finds the money and spends all of it in one hour by shopping. Al is forced to go back to work where he hears opportunity knocking with a chance to buy a shoe store called "Home Plate Athletic Shoes." Meanwhile, Charlene Tilton visits the Bundy house trying to sell them an "Abdomenizer."

One morning, Al discovers that his Dodge has been stolen. At Jefferson's behest, Al decides to cheat the insurance company and enjoys renting a loaner Lincoln Town Car...Until the police find his beloved heap.

Bud's cousin gets divorced after finding out that his wife did the deed with Bud just before their wedding. Or rather, he doesn't exactly know it was Bud, but he's determined to find out. As Bud waits for the hammer fist to fall he turns to Al, of all people, to discuss the morality of his actions.

A rich hot babe from Al's past thinks Al is a disgusting pig. But she likes that in a man. So she offers to buy Al for half a million dollars.

When Al manages to get two prime tickets to a charity all-star basketball game, Peggy spoils his fun by insisting she come along. Things turn even worse for Al when she trades seats with him just before his former seat is chosen for a $10,000 free-throw contest. Meanwhile, Kelly tries to get herself basketball player Vlade Divac.

Al is thrilled when his childhood friend asks for his help in dealing with a young thug and his gang who have been harassing her at the inner city convenience store where she now works. But how does Al explain it to Peggy? Simply put: Al checks himself and Peggy into a local hotel near the rough neighborhood and sneaks out to confront the thug Ray-Ray and his gang, only to get beaten up by the youths again and again.

The other Bundys think Bud has flipped out when they overhear his basement conversion with his 'cool' alter-ego who arrives from another universe and shows Bud the tactics on picking up women. Meanwhile, Al has a personal battle of his own with a voice-over phone service to order a purchase for a new spare part for the Dodge.

Kelly is back as the Verminator, Bud is off to the frat house, and a run of good fortune convinces Al that the Bundy curse, dictating that every silver lining hides a thundercloud, is about to strike him down.

Marcy tries to overcome her fear of public speaking by fantasizing that she's elsewhere (having sex in the bedroom), which is a real treat for the audience. But the only people that are turned off by Marcy's simulated lovemaking skills are an embarrassed Jefferson, a shocked Peggy, and a disgusted Al who's hooked on rap videos.

Convinced they can share, Kelly and Bud pool their money together so they can buy a car for themselves, which both want, but neither will surrender, for a time alone in the car with their drive-in movie dates. Meanwhile, Al is happy after he intimidates Peggy into buying him some meat from the supermarket.

On Halloween night, the Grim Reaper (in the form of a dark-haired, pasty-faced Peggy) finally answers Al's inadvertent long cried call for death and won't leave him until one of his family members say that they need him. Meanwhile, Marcy convinces Peggy, Bud, Kelly, and Jefferson to impersonate the Village People at a party she's hosting honoring female spouse murderers.

Al hires Aaron, a recent Polk high school graduate, to work in his shoe store for the summer. Aaron sees Al as a hero and when he announces of his decision to marry, Al takes full advantage by giving the boy the benefit of wisdom not to ever marry and become like him and millions of other long-suffering married men: losers. Meanwhile, while working as the Verminator, Kelly accidentally gets a face-full of bug spray which causes her to start behaving very strangely.

When Al and his friends get fed up with the women taking over their Giggly Room and their bowling night, thanks to both Jerry Springer and Marcy D'Arcy, they form a secret organization called No MA'AM and hold Springer hostage in his own show in an audience filled with men donning the No MA'AM shirts. They intend to perform television's first sexorcism, which includes them forcing him in watching hours of pro-wrestling. They'll also force him to wear a stinky, yellow undershirt and a pair of boxers with the words "It's All Me" until the women who took over their Giggly Room and their bowling night comply to their demands.

Al bribes Kelly and Bud into posing as him and Jefferson to accompany Peg and Marcy at The Jeffersons Moving On Up Tour live, while they go to a newly opened sports bar.

Lacking attention, Buck decides to run away from home and the rest of the family doesn't discover that he's gone until a week later which is the time limit for dogs at the pound where Buck winds up. Al is then torn between going with the family to look for Buck and going to the nudie bar with Jefferson for a "Wrestle Till You're Raw" night.

Al is injured playing football with his friends, and ends up in the hospital needing surgery. Due to a mix-up at the hospital, however, Al ends up receiving a circumcision.

On Christmas Eve, Kelly and Bud try to sneak in a jukebox to give to their parents who spend the entire show sitting in front of their TV set arguing with each other over the proper speed for channel switching. Also, Marcy and Jefferson throw a wild Christmas party next door and do not tell Al about it.

With Al and Peggy away for a family reunion with her family in Wanker County, Wisconsin (where everyone's last name is Wanker and is relative), Bud lets Kelly have the house for Saturday night. When her date accidentally destroys the family couch, Kelly must travel to the far corners of Illinois to find the crazed, hermit-like, former maker of the couch to ask for a replacement before her parents come home.

On Al's 45th birthday, Peggy decides to give him a sexy photo of herself to hang in the shoe store. But the photographer decides to hang a huge blowup version of it on a giant billboard in the mall outside the store. Naturally, this cannot be tolerated, so Al enlists the help of NO MA'AM's counterpart, Marcy's feminist group FANG (Feminists Against Neanderthal Guys), to destroy the offending image. Meanwhile, Kelly and Bud can't seem to get the right gift for Al.

A borderline war between the neighbors over the rights to a fruit tree, with a lesson to be learned somewhere, if only they would stop fighting.

Al battles other husbands at a store for last-minute Valentine's Day shoppers. Meanwhile, Bud gets physically and sexually abused when trying to find in a hotel his long-lost valentine girl, who is now a famous pop star.

Bud sends poor Kelly on a wild goose chase to find 'Waldo' so that he can have run of the house making out with a wayward blonde. Meanwhile, with nearly 1,000,000 miles on the family jalopy's clock, Al gets an incredible offer from the Dodge company for a brand-new Viper.

Al opposes the proposed destruction of his old high school football field to build a new auto plant (initiated by Marcy and Kyoto Bank) by chaining himself to the goalpost. Meanwhile, Buck and Bud suffer from unusual side effects after Kelly the Verminator sprays them with a new pesticide called "Springtime in Baghdad."

Jefferson reveals his secret past to Marcy when he tells her that he is a ex-CIA spy in a witness relocation program. Meanwhile, Al gets conflicting emotions when he is offered a $50,000 reward by a certain Walter Traugott, a shady thug who is looking for Jefferson. Elsewhere, Peggy has a toothache from a broken tooth, and Kelly and Bud dress up as bums at the mall to acquire more cash for themselves.

Al shows his new temp Dexter around the shoe store, while Bud and Kelly queues outside for a rock concert, and Peggy, aiming to win a trip to Tahiti, tries to get Al to make a fool of himself over the radio.

Al opposes a forced car pooling until he learns that three lingerie models are in the group, only to discover the models are full-figured. Al and his group are then chosen to promote a campaign by the local health board to appear in commercial advertisements to clean up over-polluted Chicago; but, when Al and the ladies are asked to picket outside a chemical plant where Kelly works as the Verminator spokesmodel, Al must decide whether or not to help close down the plant and make Kelly lose her job or give up his fame and fortune. Meanwhile, no one seems to care after Bud announces that he has made the Dean's List at college.

When another complaint from a fat woman at the shoe store results in Al losing his parking space and being reprimanded not to insult anymore fat women, he, Jefferson and the rest of his mens club NO MA'AM seek out a legendary guru macho man to teach them how to battle political correctness. Meanwhile, Peggy, Kelly, and Bud hide a secret refrigerator full of food from Al.

Al rushes to finish fixing the basement step before his favorite movie, "Hondo," comes on TV. But, in an attempt to get some new batteries for his flashlight, he finds himself locked inside the store. Meanwhile, Bud and Kelly attempt to celebrate Buck's birthday, much to Buck's dismay.

Using their tax refund money, Jefferson and Al bet heavily on a college football game that they are guaranteed to win. But that's before Trumaine's prized, not-so-bright quarterback Chad, who is being tutored by Bud, falls in love with Kelly, whom she pleasantly distracts from his training. Al must find a way to keep them apart at all costs after he finds out that other shady parties have also bet heavily on the game as well.

When the Bundy TV set blows its condenser, Al decides to try out for a place on a new sports trivia game show, hoping to win $10,000 for a new TV set as the first prize. But when he is denied because of his lack of personality, Al tries to transfer his knowledge of sports to Kelly to win the show for him. But for each fact that she takes in, another falls out.

Al and Jefferson decide to cash in on 1970s nostalgia by selling shoes from that period.

Al has to renew his driver's license and is upset to learn that Bud will be his Examiner.

Kelly has a big zit on the day before her commercial for Ice Hole beer and Peg offers her a solution. Her uncle Sticky Wanker's zit removing potion will cure it. Al is ecstatic for her being in the commercial, despite being upset over not having tapes of Emma Peel. The Home Shopping Network has offered him a compromise, endless first edition volumes of The Three Stooges, which he also loves. His real problem is with Marcy and her feminist group. They recently filed suit against Ice Hole beer for not hiring average and unattractive women. It had gone nowhere as the jury ruled for the company and FANG is forced to protest against the commercial.

Bud's intense studying for a scholarship exam makes him periodically nod off and fantasize about making out with beautiful women. So, is a passionate encounter between him and Marcy's visiting, sexually aggressive, 19-year-old niece, Amber, a dream or real?

When Al banishes a nursing mother for breast feeding her baby in the shoe store, Marcy and FANG holds a protest against Gary's Shoe Store in order to have him lift the ban.

Al and No MA'AM decides to hold a counter protest in the favor of banning breast feeding from the shoe store.

Bud's community service assignment for college is the one he is least suited for: consulting virgins on the brink of temptation, while he has to wrestle with temptation himself when he has to go to one's house to talk her out of it. Meanwhile, Al and Peggy go to the video store to find a movie they both can watch together.

Jefferson learns that the Barbie doll he bought for Marcy on her birthday at an auction is worth a small fortune of $50,000. So he asks Al a big favor: sleep next to Marcy for the night while he goes out to exchange dolls. In return, Al gets to keep a prized first edition of the magazine "Big 'Uns" that he bought at the auction with Jefferson's money.

When Kelly auditions for a part in a Fox network sitcom she happens to mention some stories about her family which the producer likes better then the original script.

After the funeral of a former football teammate at the Bullpen Sports Bar, an old rival, named Jack Franklin, challenges Al and his former team from Polk High into a grudge football match between them. But Al ends up being turned into a tackling dummy by ringers Bubba Smith, Laurence Taylor, Ken Stabler and John Reynolds on the opposing team.

When Major League Baseball goes on a strike, NO MA'AM organizes their own league sponsored by nude bars.

Al launches his group NO MA'AM in a protest outside the local TV station after Marcy's group FANG gets NO MA'AM's favorite TV show "Psycho Dad" canceled. But in a blizzard, no one takes notice. Meanwhile, Kelly and Bud try to convince Al to have them throw a house party for their friends.

Al and his friends from NO MA'AM who include Griff, Officer Dan, Ike, and Bob Rooney travel to Washington D.C. where thanks to Jefferson's pull, being a former CIA agent, Al and the group gets to address the U.S. Senate about Psycho Dad being put back on the air.

To check out their husbands claim of "totally innocent fun," Peggy, Marcy, and their friends accompany their husbands Al, Jefferson, Charlie, Ike, and Bob Rooney to the Jiggly Room strip club. Afraid of the ladies responses, Al and the group take them on a Thursday night where it's A-cup night so the men won't get excited by the small breasted dancers. Everything goes well at first, until the unexpected arrival of a huge breasted stripper named "Rocky Mountains." Meanwhile, Kelly lands a part in a weight loss commercial and must drink various un-drinkable protein shakes.

Al gets an owl costume to scare away the birds who keep him awake. To impress Amber, Bud helps Kelly to learn archery for her audition.

George Plimpton hosts a 200th Episode celebration. Includes clips from many episodes spanning from the 1987 inaugural season through the mid-point of season 9.

Al's Dodge mysteriously disappears during a family visit to a local car wash while on their way to Wanker county. Meanwhile, Marcy's ex-husband, Steve Rhoades, mysteriously reappears at the car wash to show her his new life while she is trying to get the lazy Jefferson to work there.

On their 25th wedding anniversary, Peggy goes out with Marcy to a posh health spa where Peggy gets conned out of all her money by a gift shop employee selling cheap beauty items. Meanwhile, Al is in trouble when the old and senile Buck buries in the back yard the anniversary gift necklace he plans to give Peggy, which prompts him, Bud, and Kelly to literally dig up the entire back yard looking for the necklace.

Peg wins a cruise but decides to take Al and the Darcys along with her, leaving the kids at home with Wolfman Jack, but as always, misfortune follows.

The Bundys ocean cruise takes a turn for the worse when their ship sinks and they are stranded on a life raft in the middle of the ocean with the D'Arcys, a fat woman, and comedian Gilbert Gottfried. Meanwhile, Kelly and Bud endure the media circus that comes to their house asking about their missing parents.

Kelly gets a big break while attending the Larry Storch School of Acting when she and Larry Storch are to appear on stage in a part of the show "Phantom of the Opera." But when the shoe store owner, Gary, knocks out Larry Storch himself, whom she holds a personal grudge against, Al must leave the midnight madness sale at the shoe store, leaving Griff solo, to go to Kelly's rescue at the theater.

Peggy gets invited to the Bingo Invitational Final. To their horror, Al and Jefferson hear that the new spokes-model for their official No Ma'am club beer, Girlie Girl Beer, is Yoko Ono. Therefore, No Ma'am must select a new official beer.

Bud gets hooked on a virtual-reality sex experiment to revitalize his sex life with Amber, until she and Kelly find out and plan to stop him. Meanwhile, during his week-long vacation, Al becomes obsessed with an electrical switch that has an unknown function.

When Kelly and Al collaborate and make a short documentary film about shoes for Kelly's acting class in the Larry Storch School of Acting, they win a grant of $10,000 from the National Endowment of the Arts to make another movie: "A Day in the Life of a Shoe Salesman."

Cast members talk about some of the best moments in the series.

In this pilot for a proposed new TV series, set on Trumaine University's radio station, W.H.I.P., DJ's Oliver Cole and Mark Campbell host several hours of unconventional and overlooked programming. After a probing interview, divulging the past of Trumaine's new dean of students, Steve Rhoades, both Oliver and Mark are kicked off the air and expelled from the college. Marcy arrives and upon hearing the news, she tries to get revenge against her ex-husband by leading a feeble on-air protest against their expulsion. But their protest doesn't attract much attention. Meanwhile, Bud is dating April Adams, a fellow student and intern from Marcy's bank, who is also being pursued by Nickolai Pushkin, a rugged, handsome basketball star from Russia. When Bud desperately attempts to steal April's affections away from Nickolai, Mark happens by and secretly broadcasts the conversation over the station and calls it "Hot Talk With April." Mark, Oliver, and their new show become so popular that dozens of people turn out for the protest, in which Steve backs down and lets them stay on the air and at the college. April ends up rejecting both Bud and Nickolai, as well as a job at Marcy's bank to remain with Mark and Oliver at their radio station.

An insurance agent is assigned to make sure Al is afraid to wear shoes to corroborate his lawsuit against the mall that claims he is afraid of shoes after being tied up by a burglar while at work. But Al must decide between the money from the settlement or winning a bowling championship when he's not allowed to bowl barefoot.

Kelly's new secret admirer turns out to be a wealthy, spoiled, immature 12-year-old boy named Robby Bennett, who blackmails her into accompanying him to his middle-school junior prom. Bud also crashes the prom disguised as a music DJ to taunt Kelly until she finally cries out for help, and Bud saves her by contacting Robby's father--who eyes Kelly too.

Mama Wanker moves in with the Bundys after fighting with her husband.

Al and Griff convinces Gary to use the extra space for an aerobic's studio in the hopes that it'll attract pretty women. When it attracts fat women instead, Kelly convinces her father's boss to hire Ramon. It turns the tide against Feminist Marcy.

Buck the dog dies; in Heaven, he is sent back to Earth as the Bundys' new dog, Lucky.

Al and his men's group NO MA'AM decide to form their own church in order to avoid paying beer tax. When Marcy and her women's group FANG expose Al's plan to the public, NO MA'AM surprisingly receives sympathy and donations from thousands of long-suffering married men in America which makes it possible for them to open their church. Al becomes a televangelist and preaches the NO MA'AM way of life.

Kelly has unknowingly created a new color chemical called Bleen and Al quickly finds out that she has created a new formula that grows hair.

Peggy takes up a self-defense class. What's worse, she is soon promoted to the advanced class. This makes Al feel emasculated. To make Peg drop the self-defense class, Kelly suggests Al take Peg out on a romantic date to see the Director's Cut of The Bridges of Madison Country.

Bud takes on wrestler King Kong Bundy as his initiation into "No Ma'am.

Marcy organizes a "Toys for guns" campaign to get kids something else to play with than toy guns. Kelly has a post-graduation five-year reunion and is shocked to learn that the nerd she once stood up has become handsome and rich.

Al and Jefferson go away for the weekend to a fishing lake in upstate Wisconsin. But when they arrive at the fishing lodge, they are rudely told to leave when Shannon Tweed, a famous B-movie actress and former Playboy Playmate, has taken their reservation. But when the guys arrive home, they discover that Jefferson had inadvertently snapped a photo of Shannon seducing the lodge owner in a hot tub as the reason why they were kicked off the property. As payback, Al and Jefferson decide to throw a tabloids auction to see which magazine will get the photo. Meanwhile, Bud casts Lucky the Dog in a dog food commercial, but Lucky will only act unless Kelly performs the scene first.

Marcy's bank, Kyoto National, plans to donate a new scoreboard to Polk High and name it after Polk High's famous football alumni. Al, having scored four touchdowns in a single game, assumes it's him, but Marcy hates Al and is determined to find another football star just to spite him. When she learns that NFL all-star Terry Bradshaw attended Polk High for two months, she think she has found her man. While Kelly tries to talk to Bradshaw about letting Al have the title, Al, Jefferson, and Bud conspire to destroy the scoreboard.

This half-hour special, hosted by Roy Firestone, features various Married... with Children (1987) sports-related highlights. It aired after the episode "Dud Bowl II" (1009) and included the following sports: Football (0910, 0615, 0613), Bowling (0420, 0209), Wrestling (0417), Basketball (0801), Baseball (0615, 0911), Boxing (0615) and Athletics (0719). Al also appears in a sports quiz (0823).

Al and Bud go on a bear hunt in the woods to prove they're as manly as Peggy's father, Ephraim, so he can take back Peggy's unseen mother. Al and Bud bring back what they think is a dead bear they found in the woods, but they are in for a big surprise when the bear wakes up from hibernation and wreaks havoc on them and the city.

To go out with hot guy named Carlos, Kelly bribes the reluctant Bud to keep company for Carlos's cousin Esmeralda by offering Bud a date with Fawn. Fortunately for Bud, Esmeralda turns out to be quite hot. Meanwhile, Al and Peg take Ephraim and Peggy's unseen mother to a marriage retreat.

During the Christmas season, Griff becomes quite fond of a phone sex partner named "Butter," whom Al discovers is really Peg's mother.

Al buys a satellite dish from a discount store and he and Jefferson insist on installing it themselves. Bud is turned down for a loan at every bank in Chicago and borrows money from Vito, a mobster. He uses the money to finance an exercise video staring Kelly and a Latino hunk named Rafael. But, Kelly and Rafael get into a fight over who will star in the video, prompting them to storm off to their dressing rooms. Meanwhile, Bud learns that Vito is dangerous and needs the video completed on time.

Vito's hatchet man, Gino, tells Bud that he has until 5:00pm to finish the exercise video or he will be sleeping with the fishes. Kelly and Rafael's continuing arguments over which one of them will star in the video has Bud sweating. But things take an unexpected turn when Bud unwittingly videotapes Gino talking to another mob associate incriminating evidence against Vito. Meanwhile, Peggy, Marcy, and their friends think that their husbands are totally useless as they count the number of times they fall off the roof trying to install the satellite dish. But Al, Jefferson, Griff, Officer Dan, Ike, and Bob Rooney have completed the dish and set up a comfortable safe haven for them on the roof.

Al wants to beat rival shoe-shop owner Babcock in something and puts his faith in Bud, who's in the same entrepreneurial-studies class at Trumaine as Babcock's son Little Floyd. Each boy must come up with a product and a marketing campaign for it Al sees that he'll get his revenge if Bud's project gets a better grade than Little Floyd's. When Kelly brings home a sexy-guys calendar, Bud decides to make a Girls of Trumaine calendar. All goes well, especially with stunning cover girl Crystal Clark--until, sounding very troubled, she has second thoughts about appearing in the calendar. Meanwhile, Peg is on the road searching for her dad to save her parents' marriage.

It is Marcy and Jefferson's wedding anniversary, but Jefferson is in the hospital, recovering from a physical trauma. Kelly and Bud visit Jefferson and he recounts the events that led to his being hospitalized, starting with the party that the other members of No Ma'am threw at him in the nude bar.

Bud and his three "frat bros," Hindu Achmed, fatso Hummer, and nerdy Barney, are set to leave for Spring Break in Fort Lauderdale in hopes of scoring some drunken babes. They have the tickets and the hotel reservation. That is, until Kelly, the naughty Fawn, the steamy Ashley, and the nerdy (but minus the headgear) Natalie, make them believe that they want to spend Spring Break with Bud and his pals. The girls say that in order to cheat on their boyfriends with Bud and his pals they need the tickets and reservation in order to "send away the boyfriends" and the con succeeds. Meanwhile, Al and Griff sell a lot of shoes for girls leaving for Spring Break and wish they also could go, leaving them in a cold and powerless shoe store during a city-wide blackout resulting from a blizzard. Jefferson arrives and lets it slip that he's going to Fort Lauderdale to act as a judge in a beauty contest, behind Marcy's back, of course. Al and Griff then realize they can spend the money to go to Fort Lauderdale. Marcy arrives at the Bundys to find the boys still waiting for the girls to arrive. Together, they witness the girls, as well as Al, Griff, and Jefferson on TV at Fort Lauderdale. Marcy and the boys decide to go after them to get revenge.

Al, Jefferson, and Griff are having the time of their lives at Fort Lauderdale; Al even finds a new way to earn money by collecting empty cans. The girls are prepping Kelly for the beauty competition. Meanwhile, Marcy and the boys experience some car problems on the way from Chicago to Fort Lauderdale and have to bow to the demands of a purvey Tennessee car mechanic in order to get new wheels. The girls bump into Al and his pals at their hotel suite during a party. Al doesn't want Kelly to take part in some sleazy contest...that is until he learns that the prize is $100,000.

Marcy is up for a promotion, but to get promoted, she needs to impress her Japanese boss, Mr. Shimokawa, by serving him dinner and presenting him her grateful neighbors, the Japanese Bundys. Of course, she needs to bribe the real Bundys to stay out of sight for the duration of the visit. However, it just happens that Mr. Shimokawa hears the sound of Al's Dodge 1971, a car missing from his collection. To ensure her promotion, Marcy needs the car for Mr. Shimokawa. But what will it take to get Al to give up his car?

Al decides to build a dog house for Lucky. But when he makes an absurd amount of noise in the back yard, Marcy bribes a building inspector to inspect Al's work just to harass him. When the inspector tells him that the house is not up to its "code," Al, with Kelly's wealthy boyfriend Carlos, tear it down and rebuild it again and again to get it right. Meanwhile, Kelly desperately tries to get Carlos's attention. She spends a lot of Al's money (which he swindles from Carlos) to go to the salon to achieve the natural look of the women of his village. Thus, she is spending a lot of money to look like she has spent no money on her looks. Bud says, "you are your mother's daughter." Kelly says, "Well, duh..." Carlos has spent a lot of money to come to America to get away from women of his village. Al ends up with a lot of Carlos's money.

In this pilot for a proposed TV series, a group of "friends" live in a sometimes peaceful co-existence. Tom is a handsome deliveryman living with his gorgeous girlfriend Shannon, his stepsister Maria, and their lazy friend Jackson. Tom is on the rocks with Shannon again over their flirtations with other people. When Tom meets Kelly Bundy while delivering a package to the Bundy house, he asks her out for the evening. To make Tom jealous, Shannon asks out a handsome millionaire named Henry and the four of them end up at the local greasy-spoon diner in the inner city, which is run by friendly cook George. The evening gets more X-rated when Tom and Shannon try to outdo each other with their dates.

Bud has invited not-too-bright student Ariel to play the "Strip Study" game, to prepare for upcoming exams he has to pass in order to graduate. Despite years of not ending up getting some, Bud gets lucky but falls asleep and realizes that in order to be able to concentrate on studying, he has to give up everything that reminds him of sex. This proves to be quite difficult. In order to find a place where nothing turns him on, Bud goes to the library. Surely he can forget about sex there?

Marcy will not let Jefferson back in the house until he finds a job, so he hangs around at the Bundys. Bud gets Kelly a part in a Romantic Roast coffee commercial and when Kelly's co-star fails to perform up to expectations, Bud gets Jefferson the part. Jefferson's character Lance wins him legions of female fans which upsets Marcy but also ensures that two more commercials will be made with Kelly and Jefferson. But how will Al react when the script demands that Kelly and Jefferson kiss?

There's a radio contest open to all (except Al), where the winner will get to carry the Olympic torch through the city. Griff wins it and becomes a local hero.

While Griff faces the death penalty due to a NO MA'AM prank, Al plans to get married to an old flame.

Bud has discovered that Ariel gets turned on by life-threatening situations and has decided to stage a fake tornado in order to get some from Ariel while they seek shelter in the Bundys' basement. Peg confirms that danger does in deed turn women on. However, a real twister appears in Chicago and the rest of the Bundys and the Jeffersons also have to seek shelter in the Bundys' basement. Which also means that Peg and Marcy get turned on...

Gary declares a sales contest between Al and Griff - the winner gets a raise. However, an appearance of an immigrant child who works in Gary's illegal sweatshop gives Al a better idea than selling shoes.

In order to get a $20,000 contract of a model for a national olive oil brand, Kelly has to sign a Morals Clause, which requires that she remain chaste. This proves to be a difficult task. Meanwhile, Al hears that Officer Dan is appearing in Al's favorite TV show, Cops, and blackmails him to become his partner.

Al's beloved Dodge is fading away. Through a frantic "emergency operation," Al manages to "stabilize" the Dodge's condition, but it still needs constant "life support". He is unwilling to let the Dodge go because he has fond memories of his father and the car, so he calls for a car doctor, who sees that the Dodge needs a fuel pump "transplant". Since those fuel pumps are a rarity, the doctor suggests that the car be "harvested" for spare parts instead, which would sell for a high price. This, of course, is completely unacceptable to Al. While he fights to keep the Dodge "alive" and looks for a new fuel pump, Peg and the kids already start auctioning the spare parts.

Al buries his "dead" Dodge in his backyard and has a funeral ceremony for it. The collectors still desire the spare parts and Peg still intends to sell them. At Bud's request, Marcy goes through Al's financial records and declares that Al can't afford a new car. Al decides to prove her wrong and goes to a car dealer. Meanwhile, Jefferson's secret past helps him to locate a fuel pump for Al's old Dodge.

It's Thanksgiving. In Al's childhood, it was a tradition to eat aunt Maddie's potato pie on Thanksgiving, so Al takes a trip with Griff to see aunt Maddie in order to buy some pie. Unfortunately it turns out that she's just died. Jefferson can't find a turkey for Marcy because they've sold out. Then a stray turkey just happens to follow Kelly home. Will Kelly let the others eat it?

Peggy wants to take a holiday in Branson, Missouri, but Al says he can't afford it. The prospect of all-fried food and only twin beds available, however, make him change his mind. Lucky has to stay behind in the care of the D'Arcy's. Then Marcy feels the urge to act out a dirty fantasy at the Bundy's. In Branson, the Bundy's get a room at the Deliverance Inn (yes, just like that movie). Peg and Kelly take part in a country music talent contest.

It's Christmas. Al doesn't want a Christmas tree, the rest of the family do. Marcy is determined to win the neighborhood decorating contest. Gary hires two young guys, Hal and Biff, to help Al and Griff at the shoe store. Someone (actually Bud and Kelly) kidnaps Mary and Joseph from Marcy's Nativity Scene and demand $500 in ransom. Hal and Biff turn out to be such good workers that Gary decides to replace Al and Griff with them, permanently.

When Al goes too far with the fat insults, he's put on trial by all the obese women he has insulted over the years.

Al is planning a get-together for the guys and they'll be watching wrestling from cable. Al wants Peg to help, but she declines. Then Peg has an accident where she hits her head and gets amnesia. Kelly, Bud, and Al are then amazed to see Peg cooking, cleaning, and doing other housework. They decide to milk the situation for all it's worth.

When Al finds out that Bud and Gary are dating, he and Griff decide to take advantage of the situation like a break room.

Since Bud is actually earning money, Al starts charging rent for the basement. Bud and Al sign a lease and Bud pays his rent, after which he claims that the "apartment" is in need of repair. A health inspector declares the basement condemned and gives him a month to get the basement repaired. Al then is forced to wear an electronic neck band that prevents him from leaving the basement.

Jefferson has joined the National Guard. He tells Al and Griff of the benefits: for one weekend per month, one gets to party with a bunch of guys and even get paid for it. Of course, you have to pass basic training first, but even that has a benefit. One does not have to go to one's regular job, but the boss still has to pay the salary. Al and Griff suddenly feel the urge to serve their country.

Al agrees to let Peg invite the Darcy's and Griff (plus one) to an evening party in exchange for a month of no sex. As a party game, the pairs test their knowledge of the other half. Unfortunately, Al has forgotten the most romantic night between him and Peg, who throws him out to the doghouse, literally. Meanwhile, Kelly is auditioning for a role, but faces stiff competition from her nemesis Heather Talrico, another blonde bimbo. Kelly challenges Heather to a boxing match; the loser has to give up the role.

Al makes true of his threat to move out. But what about custody of the two TVs? The kids Al leaves to Peg. In foresight, he has hidden a nest egg in a secret compartment in the toilet seat. Peg becomes depressed, but the kids decide to find themselves a new step-dad. Marcy is ecstatic about Al's departure and has another plan to cheer Peg up. Meanwhile, Al is trying out the bachelor lifestyle, complete with a new look.

Al is having difficulty adjusting to being single. Marcy is more than happy to share with him that Peg is having a dinner party with a millionaire. Al doesn't believe it, so Marcy tells him that what Peg really wants is for Al to come to the dinner party.

Peggy, jealous that Al is spending all his time at The Jiggly Room, decides to try out on amateur night while Al and the No Ma'am boys judge it. She wins the competition dressed as a harem girl named Jasmin, wearing a veil over her face. Al is turned on like never before, and he and Peggy have their best sex ever.

When Kelly becomes successful on a kid's television show, she becomes a total bitch and control freak. Her manager, Bud, decides Princess Kelly should be taught a lesson she will not forget. Meanwhile, Al tries to avoid sharing a bed with Peg by sawing off half of their bed as she is tempted to have sex with him in bed.

Al makes Peg stop her constant shopping by taking his card away from her and electrifying the phone so that she cannot place any orders. Meanwhile, it's Jefferson's 40th birthday and he has to accept he is no longer a young man and Marcy may one day leave him; so, Marcy forces him to get a job, which he does, as the new aerobics instructor at a new health club Peggy wins a free membership pass for. Elsewhere, Gary hires Bud and Kelly to shoot a TV commercial for the shoe store. There is a role for a shoe salesman. Al forces Bud to hire him, but Al has no acting experience.

Marcy wants the Bundys to stay indoors because her "identical" cousin Mandy is coming for a visit and Marcy does not want her to be repulsed by them. Mandy's flight, however, is early and she takes a cab. Since the D'Arcys are at the airport waiting for her, she comes to the Bundys. This leads to Mandy spending the day out with Al and Jefferson. Suddenly Peg and Marcy find themselves jealous.

Al sells his soul to the Devil so he can play for the Bears. However, the Devil takes him to Hell the day of the Super Bowl with a fate worse than death planned: an eternity with the family and the D'Arcys.

Al is kicking Peg and the kids out of the house so he can watch Death Wish 6 3-D in privacy on pay per view. But Bud also needs the house for himself: his pen pal, Starla, is getting out of prison and is coming to see him. Unfortunately, Starla decides to rob the Bundy's at gunpoint. It turns out that she has escaped and is on the run, so she ends up holding the Bundy's hostage. Starla also has a dim-witted boyfriend, to whom Kelly becomes attracted to, and the feeling is mutual. Then the D'Arcy's, who are about to leave on a charity masquerade cruise, barge in and end up hostages as well.

Lonnie is freed from prison because it was overcrowded. He asks Al's blessing for marrying Kelly. He even has a ring. Turns out that Lonnie is one of the Tots who owns Tot Industries, makers of Weenie Tots. Suddenly, Lonnie is most welcome to the Bundy family.

Gary is restocking the shoe store and donating all the old shoes to Filipino orphans. When the lunch delivery girl accepts old sandals as payment because Al and Griff have no money, they realize that the shoes have trading value. Meanwhile, Kelly finally gets her masseuse license, but accidentally cripples Bud when trying out her skills on him.