Philip "HAWK" Hawkins doesn't just dream about killing vampires - He eats, sleeps, drinks and freakin' breaths it. After getting kicked out the Army for staking a fellow soldier with a blunt two by four, Hawk almost dies of boredom working as a night security guard at a deserted warehouse in his hometown of Santa Muerte, California - USA. Just when it looks like all Hawk's options in life have expired - Filthy blood-sucking vampires appear. And of course - Nobody even freakin' believes him. With his back up against the wall, his sweaty Karate Kid headband on and hordes of blood-thirsty murderous vampires closing in, Hawk enlists the help of the one person who kind of believes him - Revson "REV" McCabe, a dimwitted, vegan-pacifist groundskeeper. Together they join forces to save the whole entire freakin' world. Well - At least their hometown anyway.
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Ryan Barton-Grimley | Philip Hawk Hawkins |
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Ari Schneider | Revson McCabe |
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Jana Savage | Theo |
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Richard Gayler | Jasper |
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Jeff Lorch | Deputy Jack Scroggins |
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Casey Graf | Arnold |
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David Rickabaugh | Zagan |
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Jack Bradley | Andros |
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Kevin Ocampo | Terry |
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Jason Kaye | Hamish |
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Brian Sturges | Stan |
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Nicole Wyland | Cheryl |
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Eric Jenkins | Thadwick |
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George Steeves | Private Dirkman |
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Audrey Haworth | Sister Sam |
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Caryl West | Jasper's Mom |
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Sharon Maslow | Sister Mary |
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Jennifer Frappier | Tiff |
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Joel M. Schneider | Michael Sternwald III |
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Deb Magidson | Hawk's Mom |
| Director | Ryan Barton-Grimley |
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| Writer | Ryan Barton-Grimley | |
| Producer | Ryan Barton-Grimley, A.J. Gordon, Ari Schneider, Joel M. Schneider, Jeremy Wanek | |
| Musician | Robby Elfman, Ari Schneider | |
| Photography | Sean Ayers | |
| Nr Discs | 1 |
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| Owner | Jackmeats Flix |
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| Location | Deleted |
| Purchased | Mar 19, 2021 at YTS |
| Quantity | 1 |
| Watched | Dec 28, 2024 |
| Index | 3931 |
| Added Date | Mar 18, 2021 13:43:44 |
| Modified Date | Jul 31, 2025 11:11:33 |
My quick rating - 4.0/10. If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if Napoleon Dynamite tried to remake Blade with a budget that couldn’t cover a decent pizza party, then congratulations, your oddly specific dream exists and it’s called Hawk And Rev: Vampire Slayers.
Philip "HAWK" Hawkins (Ryan Barton-Grimley) is a man on a mission, fueled by sheer paranoia and a headband that looks like it survived the '80s and lost the will to live. After getting kicked out of the Army for staking a fellow soldier with a two-by-four (because subtlety is for cowards), Hawk ends up as a night security guard in a warehouse so deserted it makes the office in Severance look overpopulated. Just when he’s about to die of boredom, surprise-vampires! Because why not?
Nobody believes Hawk, which is understandable because he has the energy of a conspiracy theorist who thinks pigeons are government drones. So, he teams up with Rev (Ari Schneider), a vegan-pacifist groundskeeper whose main skill is existing in a perpetual state of confusion. Together, they form the kind of dynamic duo that makes you question how humanity has survived this long.
The humor is... well, it exists. Some jokes land like a well-timed punchline, others hit the ground with all the grace of a walrus on roller skates. The “movie lines” bit feels like that one friend who doesn’t know when to let a joke die peacefully. The film clearly takes inspiration from the South Park goths vs. vampires episode, except with less budget and somehow less dignity.
Visually, it’s a blood-splattered mess-literally. There’s fun to be had with the practical effects, even if the digital blood looks like it was added in Microsoft Paint. The budget constraints are as obvious as Hawk’s desperate need for a hobby, but there’s a certain charm in its schlocky, DIY vibe.
Having recently been entertained by Ryan Barton-Grimley’s Listen Carefully, I decided to revisit this 2020 creation. It’s got the same slightly entertaining, “I can’t believe I’m still watching this” energy. Is it good? No. Is it bad? Yes. Did I laugh anyway? Unfortunately, yes.
Perfect for when you want to question your life choices and laugh while doing it.
The humor is... well, it exists. Some jokes land like a well-timed punchline, others hit the ground with all the grace of a walrus on roller skates. The “movie lines” bit feels like that one friend who doesn’t know when to let a joke die peacefully. The film clearly takes inspiration from the South Park goths vs. vampires episode, except with less budget and somehow less dignity.
Visually, it’s a blood-splattered mess-literally. There’s fun to be had with the practical effects, even if the digital blood looks like it was added in Microsoft Paint. The budget constraints are as obvious as Hawk’s desperate need for a hobby, but there’s a certain charm in its schlocky, DIY vibe.
Having recently been entertained by Ryan Barton-Grimley’s Listen Carefully, I decided to revisit this 2020 creation. It’s got the same slightly entertaining, “I can’t believe I’m still watching this” energy. Is it good? No. Is it bad? Yes. Did I laugh anyway? Unfortunately, yes.
Perfect for when you want to question your life choices and laugh while doing it.
Amazon along with several other streamers have this one.
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