jackmeat's movies

The Velocipastor

Cyfuno Ventures (2018)

WEBRip Xvid

MP4

5.1

11,568

Action | Comedy | Horror

USA | English | Color | 01:15

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After losing his parents, a priest travels to China, where he inherits a mysterious ability to turn into a dinosaur. At first horrified by this new power, a prostitute convinces him to fight crime. And ninjas.

Cast View all

	Gregory James Cohan	Doug Jones
	George Schewnzer	Doug's Dad
	Janice Young	Doug's Mom
	Daniel Steere	Father Stewart
	Claire Hsu	Chinese Villager
	Nicholas M. Garofolo	Hobo
	Alyssa Kempinski	Carol
	Fernando Pacheco De Castro	Frankie Mermaid
	Chase Schutter	Frankie's Heavy
	Alec Lambert	Thug
	Jesse Turits	Sam
	Jiechang Yang	Wei Chan
	Aurelio Voltaire	Altair
	David Sokol	War Buddy Ali
	Pat Hroncich	Vietnam Soldier
	Dan Rhoades	Vietnam Soldier
	Kathleen Steere	Adeline
	Douglas Saint James	Surgeon
	Ryan Wagner	Ninja
	Jax Zangakis	Ninja
	Guy Nanni	Ninja
	Lucas Pincione	Ninja
	Kurt Voltmann	Ninja
	Erik Oh	Ninja
	Corrie Blissit	Ninja

Crew View all

Director	Brendan Steere
Writer	Brendan Steere
Producer	Jesse Gouldsbury, Johnny Macabre, Gabyral Rabinowitz, Brendan Steere, Brandon Taylor, Adam Whitton, Chase Whitton, Jessica Yue
Musician	D.A. McCormick
Photography	Jesse Gouldsbury

Trailer

Edition details

Nr Discs	1

Personal

Owner	Review?
Location	Deleted
Purchased	On Jan 22, 2020
Watched	Mar 27, 2020 (at our home)
Index	1055
Added Date	Jan 22, 2020 10:09:01
Modified Date	Jan 22, 2020 10:09:01

Notes

My quick rating - 3,2/10. IMDB 5,3? Yeah, NO. I think I might even be generous. Amusing at times, especially Frankie Mermaid. But could that possibly make up for such a stupid flick? Funny idea, a priest that changes into a dinosaur (for what reason, we may never know) when angry, kinda like the Hulk I guess, and wipes out evil doers. That sentence took a bit to type out. And it is funnier than the movie itself. When they bust out the special effects we see our heroic pastor look, and I am not kidding, less convincing as a dinosaur than Barney does. It is that pathetic. But at least in a fit of rage, our hero saves a hooker from killers who then end up having to run away from killer ninjas. It does keep getting better. Thankfully the prostitute he saves happens to be a martial artist as well so when these highly sophisticated battle scenes come up, they can look so crisp and realistic. I can't even keep typing this nonsense, I am making myself laugh trying to lie this way. All of this is a joke, every aspect. I am knocking this score down now to a 3,2. I can't in good faith allow it to be rounded up to a 4.

Links

TheMovieDb.org